Want to know the thing I’ve accomplished that I am most proud of? It has nothing to do with my career and I didn’t climb Mt Everest. I repaired my relationship with my mother. After 43 years of not getting along I decided that I needed to make things better. You have to realize that this is coming from a woman who didn’t speak to her mother for seven years. That was five years ago and since that ended the relationship had been better, but strained. I finally came to the conclusion that my mother and I would never be friends. That was something for others. Until I decided to dig a little deeper.
Not getting along with a parent points to forgiveness issues. I’m not saying that my mother is the easiest person to get along with or that she never did anything that a person might view as horrible. You know what? I’m her daughter and if I’m going to be honest with myself, I’d have to say that I’m not the easiest person to get along with, either. I’ve also done some awful things. Who hasn’t? If your parent seems to be irking you all the time then you really have to look at why. Is there a forgiveness issue underneath it?
Examine your emotions and take blame where you need to. The offenses I held against my mother began when I was prepubescent. I added them up over the years, piling hurt on top of hurt. No matter the situation you can never say that anyone was all in the wrong and you were completely innocent. You always have to admit to having done some ills in a relationship. I don’t care what it is that happened to you. In any relationship, unless you are a saint, you did some wrong. Owning up to our wrongs really helps in the forgiveness process. We’re also able to see where we instigate bad feelings/energy between us and the other person. Be adult and take responsibility for your side of it.
Recognize where you are the same. I thought that maybe this friend thing was for other women and their mothers. My mother is not the easiest, she tends to speak her mind and it’s not always digestible. Then again, I can be the exact same way. I guess I don’t really get to hold that against her! It just shows me that I need to be careful when dealing with her because we can get into trouble with each other in that area. Personality wise we may have a lot in common, but spiritually we are opposite ends of the spectrum. Hence the fighting.
Fake it until you make it. Set the intention that you’re going to get along and show up with a loving and open heart. In the beginning you may have to put on your smile and act. It will not be that way all of the time. Little by little things will get better and more happy times will come in. You need to pat yourself on the back for all the good times you have together. Also give the other party credit for these good times.
When you fall down don’t forget to get back up. Most importantly don’t forget that it’s okay to have screw ups, from both sides. Over Christmas I had plans to see my mother, sister, and sister’s family at a restaurant in my area. My mother called the morning of our lunch plans. I was rushing around trying to get ready when she called. She wanted to come to my place before we met at the restaurant which was the last thing I wanted. I didn’t have the time for company, but I told her to come. After she arrived, it all went down hill. I wanted to kill her by the end of the day.
If I’m going to be honest and examine the situation there are several areas where I went wrong. First, I don’t have to answer the phone every time it rings... especially when it’s a bad time. Second I was rather uptight because it was so close to Christmas and I still had a lot on my plate. Finally, I should have just told her that it would be better for me to meet at the restaurant. When we don't employ good self care it makes us snappy.
Repairing my relationship with my mother is the best healing I have ever done for myself. Mom went to Florida for the winter. We now speak by telephone anywhere from two to several times a week. I’ve realized that she’s actually become a good friend of mine and I never thought I would ever get to say that in my lifetime. Completing the road to forgiveness with my mother healed and rejuvenated my heart more than any healing practice I’ve tried. I'm a crystal healer and I've tried all sorts of different types of healing over the years.
Wishing you peace and love on your road to forgiveness.